Satisfaction

I am an official college graduate as of a month and 3 days ago!  It is still weird to comprehend....but all the more real as I apply for any social work jobs in my home area.

Satisfaction.  There is so much meaning behind that word.  I want to look back at my various life experiences with satisfaction, and that can be a challenge.  This summer I am working at the same campground that I have worked at for the past 4 years, and so far this year I have found myself struggling to have a positive attitude about it.  I don't know why this is an issue for me...maybe I am wishing that I was working in a more "social worky" environment or perhaps I am wishing for something new and exciting.  I don't know.  I do know, however, that I want to look back at this summer with satisfaction.  I want to have lived life as fully as I could in this particular situation; not always thinking of where else I could be but being thankful and taking the opportunities I have in front of me.  Not wishing I was doing something else but taking joy in the little things I get to/have to do (whichever way you want to look at it).

I know graduation was just over a month ago, but it is still just as hard to be away from my college friends.  I am so thankful for cell phones, facebook, email, and snail mail!

Life.  Right now I am so scared of life after college.  Why? What am I afraid of?  Well, I think is it:

• I'm going to have to get a "real" job that will pay off my loans
• I may have to live by myself and not with a friend or even at home
• Life will be very different from what it's been thus far - I'll be more independent
• well...um...the economy?!?!

Where am I putting my trust?  I hope it is in the Lord.  Psalm 121 says this:

I lift my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand, The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all evil, he will keep your life.  The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Why should I be afraid of the future?  God will be with me every step of the way - I have no reason to fear with Him by my side.  Thank you for your gift of the unknown, Jesus!

Last Semester

So this week I have been thinking that Cedarville should be in a different area of the US such as California or Hawaii.  It's been in the negative degrees fehrenheit today, and the days before were cold and windy snowy days.  Not much fun to walk in!

Anyway...this is the beginning of my last semester of undergraduate college and I am CRAZY busy.  I have a fully credit load and in addition to that I am involved in the winter musical, "My Fair Lady".  I wouldn't deprive myself of the honor it is to be involved in the play, but right now it is taking up all of my evenings and does not leave me with much down time or even the amount of time I'd like to spend on my homework.  And yet here I am updating my xanga!!

Lately in my classes (and amongst my close friends) there has been alot of talk of life after graduation...and the trepidation we feel about going out into the "real" world and getting jobs in this economy.  To be honest, my greatest fear right now is losing contact with all (or any) of the dear friends I've made here at college.  Today, one of my professors made a brief note about how she has had a difficult time staying in touch with the group of friends she had at school.  She's not the only one who's told me about losing contact with college friends so I'm rather afraid that it will happen to me too.  All of those feelings said, I know that I should not be worrying about losing my friends.  I have been extremely blessed to have them in my life, and I should be trusting the Lord with my life and the friends in it.  That thought alone will give me peace and hope about my future.

In 4 days I will be going back to school! AAH!  I'm excited to get back and see all my friends, but I feel like this summer has gone by incredibly fast.  Just last week as I was planning out what I wanted to do my last week at home I felt like the time I had left was going to be just right and not go by too fast.  ha.  It hasn't been too busy, but the time sure has flown and I am a little sad that I will soon need to bid my family farewell for a few months.  I also need to get started on packing...I was hoping to get most of it done by tonight or tomorrow - and anyone who knows me well knows that packing is one of my least favorite things to do.:)

Some of my favorite highlights from this summer:

• raspberry picking in my backyard
• sewing a sundress for myself (the pattern was very difficult to work with but it was a great learning experience.)
• reading LOTS of good books (Christian fiction for the most part)
• hiking the trails of Somerset Beach Campground with my brother; helping him with his Eagle project for Boy Scouts
• water skiing and tubing at my great-uncle's
• camping at my aunt and uncle's
• helping to lead worship at my church and getting to know more of the congregation there
• drinking tea and dipping donuts with my mommy
• watching the Olympics with my brothers - we have pretty much all of the commercials memorized by now...and make fun of them.

So it's July.  Exactly a month til I go back to school.  I don't really know what to think about that except for what it is - a fact.  I am looking forward to living with my friends again, but I am also anticipating the stress of school and having to look for a real job since I will be graduating next spring.

Another thing that I've been dealing with might be jealousy.  It seems like everytime I turn around someone I know is getting engaged or married, and watching all of this go on around me is kind of awkward.  Not for them; me.  I can congratulate them, but do I really have any understanding of where they are in their lives right now?  It almost makes me feel like I'm developmentally behind.  I look forward to being at that same stage of life, but I don't know if I am jealous of them right now or not.  I see so much that I need to do to prepare myself for that that oftentimes I can overlook the left-out feeling that comes with watching friends go through this romanticized and glorified stage.  But still...

Besides the above mentioned material my life hasn't changed all that much since I last wrote.  This week at work is Family Camp which = very busy.  My brother Nathan finally got back from his time at Summit Ministries in Colorado two days ago.:)  And I have been picking (and eating) LOTS of raspberries from my backyard.